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Going to work is just awful

See, Bukowski gets it.

I've just seen the #thingsIwillmissaboutlockdownhashtag trending.  So, I'll say this, I will miss not having to go to work.

Look, I know people have it bad.  This Covid-19 thing is kicking the world’s economy right in the ass and taking down a lot of good people, both physically and financially.  And yes, this post is coming from a place of privilege; because, if I were about to miss a meal I know I’d be happy to get back to work.  Over the years, I’ve done some pretty humiliating stuff to make ends meet: from cleaning bottles of piss left by workmen on construction sites to lining up at an agency at 4am in the hope they might send me out for the day.  Thankfully, that’s all a while behind me, and right now, in a usual year, I would be marking exams for 14 hours a day seven days a week to top up my meagre teaching wage.

So, let’s be honest, work is shit.  The average person with an average job, on average, earns below the average wage.  That’s a straight fact.  The people at the top make so much that the average wage is nowhere near average.  And, an awful lot of people have below-average jobs.  Even if you like the job, merely getting to the place involves cramming yourself into some kind of metal box and undergoing some sort of stress.   Be that train delays, road closures, angry commuters or, for those of you who bike, the constant threat of death.  By the time most people get to work, they’ve typically engaged their sympathetic nervous system at least once. 

Then, throughout the rest of the day, you have to deal with co-workers.  There’s the sort of co-workers who think the way to get ahead is not effort and improvement but scrutiny and back-biting.  The sort of co-workers who notice that your shoes are beginning to get holes in them but who you know won't ever strike for higher wages.  The sort of co-workers who are so stressed they need constant reassurance.   And that odd variety of co-workers who are all pallsy-wallsy with each other and have come up with a great joke that they want you to know about but not understand.  

And all that is without bringing asshole bosses, workplace targets, meetings about proposed changes, sexual harassment, bullying or deliberate alienation into the mix.  All of which are just part of the joy of daily work.

Now, I like my job.  As much as a person can like it.  I respect the college I work for.  I like most of the people I work with, and I generally feel valued.  It took decades in the workplace to get to this point; but still, wages aside, I’m okay.   I have stressors, but I can live with them.

And then Covid-19 happened.  I have now been off work for months.  I am still doing my job, but I am doing it from home.  And, I can’t be the only person in the world to have noticed that it is so much better.  I’m not tired all the time, I’ve been able to pursue my own interests.  Rather than coming home from work and going out again to do private tuition (so that I can afford petrol and food), I don’t have to buy fuel.   It’s like being reborn, I’ve learned to play Ode to Joy on the guitar, I’ve had time to study for pleasure rather than just catch up on curriculum changes, I’ve seen my kids! Best of all, I’ve started writing again.  Not in the desperate sort of “I have twenty minutes to myself, I can either write or go to the grave without a sound” sort of way.  But in a calm, considered and reflective manner.

The lockdown has been great for me, and I don’t think I can ever happily return to the misery of the world before it.  I know I will because people I love rely on me.  But, I’m not going to be happy about it.  Which means I will never be happy again.  And that is the normal state of the modern worker.

An awful lot of people related to this scene in Office Space:

Office Space: The worst day of my life | Worst day, Day of my life ...

And why wouldn't they, work is a lousy way to spend the greater majority of your life.  I for one am not looking forward to getting back to it.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy feeling like a human while I’m still getting enough rest to be able to feel things.

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